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Koleksi Lawak Bodo
Friday, February 29, 2008
Cerita 1 Bidin melihat rakannya, Wafdi.. sedang membuat kopi...kemudianmemasukkan sebutir ubat panadol ke dalamnya. Dengan kehairanan Asaribertanya kepada Ajoi... Asari: "Kenapa kau masukkan panadol dalam kopi tu?" Ajoi: "Kopi ni panas.. bagi panadol.. kurang sikit panas dia.."
Cerita 2 Seorang pemburu bertembung dengan seekor singa. Terrperanjat, diatak sempat mengangkat senapangnya. Tiada pilihan, pemburu itubertadah tangan dan berdoa.Ketika pemburu itu menjeling ke arahsinga, dia ternampak bahawa singa itu juga sedang berdoa. Pemburu: "Ah leganya..... ...singa baik rupanya. Selamatlah aku." Singa: "Ya.......singa yang baik selalu baca doa sebelum makan."
Cerita 3 Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk menyiasatpunca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu,dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik berkenaan. Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum? Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok.Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantungmanakala yg ketiga disambar petir. Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum? Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya...
Cerita 4 Sebaik sahaja mengambil tempat duduk di ruang menunggu sebuah klinik,Lias terpandang Amin sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati Amin. Lias : Kenapa menangis? Amin : Saya datang untuk ujian darah. Lias : Awak takut ke? Amin : Bukan itu sebabnya. Semasa ujian darah dijalankan, mereka telahterpotong jari saya.(Mendengarkan penjelasan Amin, Liasmenangis.) Amin : Eh, kenapa pula awak menangis? Lias : Saya datang untuk ujian air kencing...
Cerita 5 Seorang lelaki pergi ke klinik mata. Setelah matanya diperiksa, dia bertanya: " Doktor, lepas pakai cermin mata nanti, boleh ke saya membaca macam orang lain?""Dah tentu, " jawab doktor. "Oh, gembiranya. Dah lama saya buta huruf, akhirnya boleh juga saya membaca," kata lelaki itu dengan riang.
Cerita 6 Seorang posmen yang datang menghantar surat . " Assalamualaikum " " Walaikumsalam " " Ni rumah encik Sameon ye?" Ya saya" " Poning kepala saya mencari alamat rumah encik ni " " Buat susah aje encik nie! Apsal tak pos aje?"
Cerita 7 3 org Asli menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik. Namun pemandu motor tersebuttidak berhenti. Katanya, 'Tak Muat Dah Tok, Kami dah bertiga!!!
Case 1: I have a friend who disappeared 3 years ago. His disappearance came with a lot of controversy, some say a business deal went sour and he ran off with the money. Some say he made problems with some dudes, the dudes wants him dead. A lot of assumptions and theory on his disappearance. The 1st time i received a call from him after many years was 3 weeks ago and met him last week. 1st thing i asked was, what the fuck happened?
Kraken: What the fuck happened la wey? Him: A business went sour... Kraken: What business? Him: Well...u know that sometimes i forge documents for my clients who wants to make a loan... Kraken: Yes... Him: All was set and the documents are ready...the problem was the bank detected that the documents are forged. Kraken: Then... Him: Then, the one who forged the documents ran away...i went hiding...and the person who wants to get the loan caught by the police...i have to hide...police were looking after me...i got to wait until the situation calms down... Kraken: So while u were hiding...what were u doing? Him: I attended culinary course...i'm a chef now...and working in PD...got engaged but that one doesn't work well...that bitch got somebody else... Kraken: Heh...apalagi...kasi hantamitubangkailer brother... Him: Ai...not that easy la wey...if hantam...he make a police report...i will sure kena...some more got previous problems what...sure my ass kenasulakaw-kawpunyasamapolis
Now, we met once in a while...
Case 2: I have a friend that spoilt by the parents. During school years, he was considered as a wuss...i slapped, punched, kicked him just for fun...and still he just smile and said "its okkraken, u're my buddy"...pathetic...after finish school...we went the same university, he took Law and i took IT. That time...we're still friends...when ever we stumble on each other we would greet each other. During varsity, i'm no longer a bully...i'm friendlier...but in the same time...still arrogant...in other hand, he became something else...not bully...but the up class rich kid...he made friends...he fuck girls...drink...and all other stuff...oh did i mentioned...he made a soft porn too...he got kicked out from the Univertsity because his CGPA worth shit...as i graduated.
The video quickly spread among our hommies...as it got to me...i told a friend of mine in which i don't know knows the girl who was in video as well...he asked the girl...the girl was shocked and told my friend the video is being distributed. That night he called me...
Porn Friend: Fuck you kraken... Me: Fuck u too asshole... Porn: I gonna whack u real good. Me: Come la if u got dick...
We met at a dark alley across another friend's house, he bring his brother as well, 2 on 1? i don't give a damn rat ass!...well...the arguments heard by my friends...they came and warned my porn friend that if he lays a hand on me, they gonna whoop porn friend's ass real good...since that day...i never saw him again...unfortunately, i stumble on him on saturday morning while having breakfast at subang...
Porn friend: Hey Kraken...long time no see! Me: Aaa...yea...(fuck u bitch, i recalled that u said we're not friends anymore) Porn friend: What are u doing here? Me: Breakfast...(Are u mental, crackhead) Porn friend: Ey...i'll come to you and catch up... Me: Yea...ok...(not in a million years fuck face)
I'll ended finish my breakfast quickly and "blah" as quickly as possible...what nerve he has saying hi to me...what an idiot...my life was just fine without that dick in it...what a morning sore sight...
A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?' The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'. Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on. He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the m an points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee. The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
I know its been a month i haven't update my blog, even the regular will get fed up upon seeing unchange post..."no new post? bodow ini kraken, buat penat je type url"...well...the usual me would say "pegi la mampus, ini aku kuli bapak kau ke?!"...but the new me would simply say "fuck u asshole...no time"...short precise and save me a whole lot of saliva and brain power...
For those who is still wondering what the fuck kraken do for a living, here is it: I'm a fucking Network Analyst/Technical Documentation Specialist.
Clear enough...i don't think so...well...if u have the time to ask me for a cup of tea, i might explain what the hell i'm doing...now, for the past 2 months...i'm having problem my boss paying me on time...that stupid retard thought i can close one eye if my pay came a bit late...sorry ye bro, i ain't that forgiving...what i did is, i went to see a middle man for the contract, smart man he is...he pays me directly and deducted from my company invoice...ghahahahaha~!
well...that already sort out...but the problem is...epf and socso...how in the hell nak buat ni...i can complain...but it would bring me a lot of heat from my boss...i already heated the situation by complaining a lot on salary...this calls for another thinking session..let put aside that matter, now, u see one dude with the nick alifmimyanun, here's a comment for u bugger~ "cibai nyusahkan aku nak menukar url plak...takde pendirian ke ape"....
Name: kraken Home: Malaysia About Me: I don't need to tell u about me...I'm just a regular malaysian who loves to talk crap and filled with profanities. Vulgar words is my speciality...Enjoy with an open heart or you can go drop dead~ Profile: Don't expect much
